A woman has split online commenters after sharing a post that went viral that she doesn’t want her friend’s fiancée to join them on vacation.
Posting to Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) forum last week under the username u/sourcandy78, the woman asked, “AITA for suggesting my friend’s fiancee not to not come on vacation after saying I was making her uncomfortable?”
The post garnered over 9,000 upvotes and over 1,800 comments from Redditors who can’t agree on whether or not the woman was wrong to suggest her friend’s fiancee not get married. join in their vacation.
In her post, u/sourcandy78 explained that her friend just happens to be her ex-boyfriend. Once her friend’s fiancée found out they were dating, the fiancée made it clear that she wanted u/sourcandy78 to “stay away.”
“The problem is that I am very close to his family because they are like a second family to me,” u/sourcandy78 wrote. “Usually in the summer I go on vacation with my friend, her sisters, my siblings and some of their cousins (and spouses). The trip for this year has already been booked but she wants me not to go by respect for her and her relationship.”
But u/sourcandy78 said she had no plans to miss the trip.
“I told her if I made her so uncomfortable she just couldn’t go since I was going to go,” u/sourcandy78 recalled.
Naturally, the answer caused an argument between the two women.
“She accused me of being after a free vacation and told me I couldn’t stay at their family vacation home and would need a hotel room if I insisted on going. “, concluded u/sourcandy78. “I told her that it was not up to her and that we could ask her future father-in-law if I could stay there or not.”
Speaking to Elite DailyCertified dating coach Damona Hoffman says it’s okay for a person to be friends with an ex, as long as they’re honest about it.
“If you and your ex can see each other again without risking feelings again, I think it’s okay to be friends whether you’re a couple or not,” Hoffman said. “Be upfront with your new love about it.”
Relationship coach Fran Greene, on the other hand, said exes should only be friends if the breakup is mutual.
“If you insist on being friends with your ex, you must have a 90-day no contact rule. After that, you can resume your friendship with another caveat: your breakup must have been mutual. Otherwise, no friendship renewed. Remember, it’s good for you and important for your new relationship!” Green recommended.
Many commenters said they could understand why the fiancée in u/sourcandy78’s story would feel uncomfortable, and criticized u/sourcandy78 for scolding her.
“The wife has every right to be uncomfortable with the fact that her fiancé’s ex goes on vacation with the family every year. The main assholes here are your ex, his family and you not to mention. not even bothered to see things from her point of view on this,” u/greenseraphima wrote.
“OP [original poster] clearly exceeds the limits. Imagine your fiancé is still on vacation and has been hanging out with his ex for 4 years, but they never told you they dated,” u/Difficult_E offered.
Others, however, felt that u/sourcandy78 had done nothing wrong.
“NTA [not the a**hole], it’s neither your fault nor your problem if she’s insecure enough to be threatened by your very presence. And you’re absolutely right, it’s not up to her. It’s up to the friend’s family to decide,” u/gamblingGenocider commented.
“NTA. Her discomfort is her problem. She shouldn’t try to break a very close friendship (with family too!!!) just because she thinks her partner is going to cheat,” u/Impossible-Pause3788 added.
Newsweek contacted u/sourcandy78 for comment.
Other viral IATA posters include a bride refusing to let her parents’ boyfriend walk her down the aisle, a woman refusing to let her brother’s ‘bully’ wife be a bridesmaid and a husband who did nothing because his wife was forcibly removed from his office.